A story I wrote recently with advice for traveling with friends is running on the women’s online magazine DivineCaroline today (I love the photo that was selected–it reminds me of the fun that a friend and I had trying to carve some photo space for ourselves at the Taj Mahal in February).
My research for the piece led me to an information session for women travelers at the Women’s Building in early March. Moderator Molly Mitoma, marketing and communications manager for Hostelling International USA, said that most people who stay in hostels around the globe travel with people they know. She personally likes to alternate between travels with close friends and solo endeavors, the latter of which she said helped her build confidence and self-discovery on trips to South Africa, Israel, and Jordan. When she embarks on trips with friends, Mitoma said she always sits down with them in advance to discuss an overall budget amount and the places each consider must-sees.
I was lucky to have a great time traveling with two fellow Wildcats in India, but it was helpful to hear from a few other travelers about group travel that didn’t go so smoothly. Their advice shaped some of the recommendations for discussion topics that pals should talk about before they embark, including:
Discuss what’s most important to you on the trip. It’s imperative that you talk about what you each are looking to get out of travelling. Do you want a vacation or do you want to travel adventurously? Do you want a service component to your trip? Do you want to shop and explore museums in cities, or would you prefer to hike in rural areas?
Plan a budget. There’s a huge difference between the traveler who updates a written budget every time they open their wallet and the one with a trust fund, but that alone doesn’t disqualify them from traveling together. Having an honest dialogue about the duration and total daily amount each person is planning on before booking anything is imperative.
When it comes to accommodations, the end of long journeys are the wrong time to first discuss the type and cost of places that will work for you. Like crashing on a friend of a friend’s couch, hostels are less expensive than staying in hotels, but not everyone prefers to skimp on overnight stays if it means sharing showers and space.
Take a trial trip. A short-term practice round like a weekend roadtrip might help you recognize whether you’ll be compatible travel partners. Spending time together without your everyday concerns and comforts will give you a chance to see how patient and compatible you are with each other. You may discover whether your prospective partner is able to get through trip delays and brief misunderstandings without getting distressed. Though temporarily stressful, those are the situations that can ultimately make for the best stories.
Talk about how social and party-focused you want to be. Do you and your partner(s) tend to have a glass of wine and call it a night, or do you want to stay out dancing until the sun rises? For both of you, getting back to the place you’re sleeping could require solo strategizing. And knowing if your friend takes drugs and how that might affect your trip can be as crucial to your having an enjoyable time as getting immunized.
Get on the same page about showers and prep time. You often meet your non-roommate friends when they’re already dressed and out of the house, so if you haven’t spent a night and morning in the same place, the amount of time they take and their preferred hour for showering may be mind-boggling to you.
Similarly, if you don’t talk about the things your friends need to make themselves comfortable, you may find them surprising (and, after a long day on the road, annoying). A friend who traveled in China with a vegan gal pal didn’t anticipate how much she’d stress about carrying a constant stock of snacks, and it led to a few time-consuming and challenging language situations.
Decide when you’ll want to go your own ways. My travel idol Laura Frank prefers the solo travel she embarked on for six weeks in India last year to travelling with constant companions. “The biggest problem I have had is group activities…meaning, doing things together simply because you are traveling together,” she said.
Still, when she does partner up, she said that mutual respect for space and personal exploration is crucial. “If my travel companion and I have different interests that each take a day to explore, and we only have one day to do it, going our separate ways for the day should not be considered a personal attack.”
If you talk about the possible timing and locations in advance, you can avoid having each other take the decision to split off for a few days personally. This space can be needed, and it gives travelers bored with each other good stories to share when they reconvene.
Know how much you want to plan in advance. Depending on the destination, advance research about local cultural and gender expectations can be crucial, particularly if your friend has a tendency to wear short shorts no matter the location while you’re more likely to follow expectations for women in the places you’re going or are interested in visiting houses of worship. The online travel resource Journeywoman and the Thorn Tree Travel Forum from Lonely Planet can be good additions to travel guidebooks and wikis when it comes to planning.
Once a trip starts, some people prefer wandering and think that getting lost is part of getting their bearings. But one person’s preference for trusting their instincts about getting around can frustrate a companion who likes more structure in their travel days. Being aware of how connected and how much time each of you wants to spend in Internet cafes is a more minor consideration, but one that could be worth discussing.
Be flexible. Long-term and cross-cultural travel will get messy. Frank said that part of “the joy of having a companion–especially in non-English speaking countries–is being able to rehash the day with someone who shares a similar perspective and can relate.”
While visiting the Taj Mahal with a friend recently, a solo traveler we met reminded me of the value of having someone close by to laugh things off with when they go wrong (and they will). After six months of primarily exploring on her own, she said she longed for a familiar person to be able to express frustration and laugh with.
Also, you may be surprised by how much fun you have traveling with temporary partners who you meet on the road. Not only are you spared pre-trip planning, but there are fewer expectations that things will go smoothly or that you’ll be together until the end of the trip.
